In search of lost time

In search of lost time

Easily one of the greatest books of all time. It follows the life of the author and his experiences throughout his life. “In search of lost time” covers the subjects of Love, homosexuality, death, old age, art, the Dreyfus case, social conventions, politics, family, friends, the war and lost time. It is such a masterpiece. If only I could write like Proust. He writes like a detailed painting. You can see the brush strokes in his words. You can see the different hues. His words are passionate and full of life like Spring. His words are so vivid, they evoke feelings and transport you to his time. He describes everything in its smallest detail. He is reflective and honest. He can make you laugh and he can make you sad. He makes you reflect about your life, your decisions, your future. He makes you see how tragic life really is. Even with all the money in the world and the most esteemed people by your side, it still doesn’t mean anything. The esteemed people in the highest positions in the world are still humans and they have a nature that is universal. They have fears, they are in a world in which they didn’t create, a world they cannot successfully navigate because there is no blueprint, they are vulnerable to sickness and death and despite their best efforts they don’t know what they are doing. Boredom is an inescapable fact of life and so they keep themselves occupied with social conventions. They attend parties and invite other celebrated individuals and talk art all day. They talk art, books, music, drama and fashion. At least that gives life meaning. It makes it bearable. I learned important social skills and emotional intelligence is important in the context of life. Social skills and Emotional intelligence is better than IQ. You can be high in IQ but if your peers and colleagues find your conduct undesirable you risk being stagnant and never moving in an upward trajectory. Social skills and Emotional skills is how you navigate your way through life. It is how you find desirable mates, it is how you increase your list of acquaintances. Acquaintances enable you to move up the social ladder. You must be able to perceive and regulate other people’s emotions. That is true intelligence because human beings are emotion creatures. The ability to regulate your impulses and act in a just manner will attract things to you, it will enable you to move up. Social skills and emotional intelligence are important because as you navigate the world you meet different people with different tastes and customs. You encounter foreign traditions, a high level of emotional intelligence will enable you to be open-minded as you won’t fall prey to your urge to exert you ego, this will enable you to communicate and project yourself with desirable effects. “In search of lost time” centers a lot around society and social conventions, it explores finding favor with people, undesirable qualities in individuals and how to be well-liked and adored. The characters in these social classes are intellectuals bred from the highest aristocratic families in the world, they are the elite. This doesn’t mean they are snobbish, although a couple of characters do exhibit this snobbery behavior but rather that they are finicky and know proper culture. They engage in stimulating and witty conversations. I have to admit I loved going to the Duchess Guermantes place. It was good and she was charming. Orianne oh, my beautiful Orianne. She was funny and witty and everyone loved being in her presence. She also didn’t just entertain anyone, you had to be of a certain pedigree, you had to be a master of your trade, you had to be cultured, you had to be interesting, you had to be special. The parties were quite exquisite and wonderful. I enjoyed being in the presence of great people and engaging with them. It was quite an experience!

“In search of lost time” also explores the subject of love and how peculiar it is. The first volume of the book covers the love affair between Charles Swann and Odette De Crecy. Swann an important man in the eyes of society falls in love with a peasant girl Odette. He loves her despite her infidelities. He is conscious of her infidelities and yet he still persists. He gives her money, he does absolutely everything for her. Odette makes him suffer through jealous streaks and unquenchable paranoia. This is what draws Swan to Odette, the suffering, it is familiar to him and he just can’t get over it. Swanns is repressed and as such his subconscious is doing all the navigating in the world. Swann loves Odette with all his heart and he figures that’s enough. Eventually, Odette will come around. This makes Swann a laughing stock in the eyes of society because evidently the peasant girl is using him for his money. Swann knows this and he accepts it since it enables him to be with Odette. This is the strange thing about love, we love what makes us suffer, we love what is familiar. Because love is a psychological phenomena, we love the repressed qualities of ourselves and project them onto another person. This is explored in the work of Carl Jung with his Amina and Animus. I am not attributing the Anima for Swanns situation but it is the most intelligeable option. Besides, consciousness is a difficult topic to explore because no one can account for it, at least work has been done on the subconscious mind. Love is difficult because it can be unconscious like most of our actions. And so the most intelligent conclusion would be to say that Swann didn’t know what he was doing neither did Odette. Swann was attracted to the suffering that Odette was inflicting on him. This says a lot about the human condition, the fact that we need suffering to feel alive, to be alive. Numerous other love affairs are covered in the book like the authors affair with Albertine, a Femme Fatale who almost leads Proust in the wrong direction. Albertine too makes Proust suffer and it is what reels him in. The book also covers the authors infatuation with the Duchess Guermantes. This infatuation locks him in a trance of behavior that he doesn’t understand. He becomes obsessed with her. He spies and gathers data about her and when she takes her walks. He ultimately falls in love with her and talks at great length about her features and fashion sense. He asks his friend to introduce him to her considering that they are family and everything blossoms from there onwards. This behavior exhibited by the author shows us that love is not logical. Love is the ego exerting itself. Love is selfish and consumes. Love possess like a demon. Love is the universal unconscious form exerting itself on life. It is pheromones in the air that accessing a unwilling host. It is a phenomenon that just happens to you. Popular culture often talks about “Love at first sight” perhaps there is scientific evidence in this notion. It would certainly explain the concept of homosexuality and the urge for young boys like the character M. De Charlus in book. Maybe Charles Darwin didn’t cover the whole scope of evolution. Surely, this is only De. Charlus’ nature. M. De. Charlus is portrayed like a zealot who engages in morally unjustified and elusive behavior, maybe the society in Prousts time is wrong. The fundamental question here is that do we choose who to love? Perhaps the idea of choice is our biggest illusion.

The book also covers our common ground, the destination we all share namely death and old age. It is a certainty that we are all going to die. That our family, friends and cherished acquaintances will all some day perish leaving nothing but a memory and even that isn’t much because they vanish and die down like smoke. Proust communicates to the reader how fragile life is, how nothing in this existence is ever guaranteed and the importance of orienting yourself to your passions. This is important because life goes where energy flows. For Proust writing brought him solace and he was able to navigate life because of this passion, it gave his life meaning in an otherwise meaningless life where we all experience boredom, suffering, old age and ultimately our demise. These ideas are also covered in Martin Scorsese classic movie “The Irishman” where death and old age follows us to its climax. This is useful because death can serve as a catalyst to show us how to live. Death inspires and teaches you how to appreciate life and live in the present. After all, the present is all we ever have, everything else is just an illusion. Urban poet Kanye West makes this point on his sophomore album “The Late Registration” on the song “Drive Slow” and he advises the listener to fully be present because you never really know what can happen tomorrow. He favors a life of meaning over expediency. In the book several of the authors close family members and acquaintances die including Aunt, grandmother, girlfriend and best friend. This serves as a reminder that nothing lasts forever. It serves as a reminder to never take life for granted. We also see Proust maturing in the eyes of society, we see him as a young man full of youthful exuberance and him maturing into an old man who is teased and made fun off by the current generation of youthfuls. We see the Duchess Guemantees lose her wit, charm and beauty because of time. We see her position replaced. We see countless marriages happen because of death and separations. We see people rise up to the top of society. We see people who had it all and lost it all. We see regrets, we see people never reaching their potential. Throughout the book humannature is put through the microscope and we observe people’s tendencies and habits. It is habits that make a person and we are judged by our actions. Words are used to deceive and don’t carry any weight. Proust teaches us that life is short. In today’s climate and world, the life expendency is 70 and we spend a third of that time sleeping. Another third of it is spent doing things like brushing our teeth, commuting to work, eating, entertainment and work. We have a third of that to ourselves, that third is less than 15 years. How do you plan on spending that? What habits can you caltivate to ensure you live a meaningful life? Is self-development important to you? Whose life are you living? Is your life worth living? These are the types of questions that Proust forces us to answer about our life. We are all going to die, the youth is going to force us into retire, we are all going to be insignificant, we are all going to be useless, we are all going to vanish and leave no trace of time. Time is an illusion anyways, time is a creation of man created as a means to dominate nature, everything is what it is. Proust teaches us to make the best of the present moment every chance we get. Proust teaches us to elevate our perspective, he teaches us that change is the only constant.

Thank you Marcel

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Sandton City

Sandton City

I had a date with destiny. She was everything I thought I wanted. She was prosperous and promised to share her riches with me. She was gorgeous with her make-up on and towering heels. She resembled a Mac advertisement like Pearl Thusi. Damn! I was star struck, lights were flickering all about, it was like a dream and I was unconscious, locked in a trance of Gucci patterns and colors. She was glorious. I was impressed but that was not enough for her. To grant my hearts desires I had to give her my soul. To relinquish control of my core beliefs and values. She wanted my blood on the contract. It was a big test for me. Do I give in and get lost in the magic maze? Or do I stay put and believe in my process and believe that time will prove me right? I’ve been hungry all my life, starved to the bone, dreaming, contemplating about forever and her role in my life. I come from a place of broken dreams, Alex, the hood, a place where dreams die. There’s a reason it’s called Gomorrah, it’s biblical, because it can be hell. Will Sandton City save me with her designer dress and Louis Vuitton handbag? Am I willing to recede into the darkness with her? I have been broke for so long that I feel like a virgin. Do I trust her? She wants too much, I can’t. I will not bend to her rules, her conventions of passivity. She wants to dominate and make all the decisions for me. While life is a stage, I am not a puppet stringed along by a puppeteer. Unfortunately, this is not a Charlie Kaufman movie, this is my life and I am the lead, the star. Maybe if she encouraged growth and freewill. For goodness sakes I am life, a miracle; I sometimes wonder how am I conscious, who are you to want to control that? God? I wish she loved me for who I am. That’s a big frailty in the psychology of man, the tendency to want to be loved and accepted for our intrinsic qualities even though life is subjective and relative. The nerve, we truly are narcissistic creatures. Still, I thought you’d be the one to stroke my ego. It’s a tragedy that life never unfolds the way we want it to. I couldn’t take your offer I am sorry. I am better than this. I am not someone you can ground. I vibrate on a higher frequency. I am too opinionated and yes, I am a “Mr. Know it all” who thinks he knows it all. I won’t apologize for being an individual. I won’t apologize for thinking for myself. I see the world through my lens and don’t seek confirmation from anyone. Do I have a problem with authority? Yes, and I am an egotistical narcissist who has grand visions about his future. That I say with pride. And maybe I am deluded but you can’t bring me down with your domineering and condescending words. You cannot validate who I am, that’s my job. I am too dimensional. I am too great. I emit an energy that’s commanding and my presence is felt like acid to the burning flesh. I am fire, a phenomenon you can’t keep your eyes off. I am exciting like the first day of the new year, I represent great prospects. I am overwhelming like running water in a glass. I am the best. Keep your promises of grandeur, I don’t worship false prophets. I create my own destiny, play the cards that I deal and dominate the world I walk on. While it’s true that I am too hungry, I won’t just eat anything. I am too finicky like a rich housewife better yet a Duchess, a Princess in the upper echelon of the aristocratic circle and so, I never settle. I know my worth. I know where I want to be. It will only take a moment for everything to change. I want it, the winning shot, the headlines, my name in lights, the glory! I will wait for my break, it’s coming.

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Between her thighs

Between her thighs

She told me she loved me and at that moment I was trapped because I was only interested in what was between her thighs. I felt it was a premeditated move consciously executed to land her man. She is vindictive and this is a ploy to possess all of me like a prisoner, a slave. That is what love is all about, control over the other person. Love is strategic ploy to weaken and exploit. Love is a flanking maneuver that surprises and hurts the opposition. Love is tact to make somebody vulnerable, a blow that makes a soldier reeling and a poison that kills without medical assistance. Love is war, deadly and compromising. I resent the notion that we were made of gold and sunshine. That is not what a human being is at all because like Nietzsche once stated, even good actions are sublimated evil ones. She showed her hand too soon. It was rash, impulsive, expedient and unsedective. Still, I had to be careful because I knew where that blurt came from. It was truthful expression on her side, her shadow and it came from a fabricated reality. All of her life she has been chasing the idea of love. She loved the idea of somebody completing her. She loved the idea of somebody instinctively knowing her thoughts and how she felt. The culture of romanticism had consumed all of her being. She was impractical living in a world where she chased novelty after novelty. She had a low self-esteem and confidence. Maybe, it was because she had been hurt before. Maybe, it hurt her to the core that it dismantled her self-worth and identity. Maybe this is delicate and sensitive. It could be me, something about my childhood and how I was raised. It could be that I had a narcissistic mother who never gave me much attention and that I am scared of being abandoned and so I do it to others before they do it to me. Maybe I am a written-off vehicle, completely wrecked and damaged. Still, I had to answer or run the risk of dead air taking over. I responded “I love you squared.” It sounded vague and contained possibilities. It sounded like an illusion. It hinted at loving you more but meant nothing like that. It was an exceptional counter-attacking move, one with precision and amazing creativity. The answer had to be great too, if I had any chance of being between her thighs. See, it was a mission of mine, a dream – her thighs were like a gateway to heaven, to paradise. I felt like a jackhammer anticipating to be used. A bomb on countdown awaiting to explode, figuratively and literally in her. Her body excited my middleman and love had nothing to do with it. What I felt was merely physical. A longing to express my desires on her. She represented an object to gratify my sexual urges. Besides being an object, she meant nothing to me. I resent the fact that she would tell me that she loves me when I was trying to climb, to be the best. I am young, black, gifted and amazing and she is trying to cling on to me, to lay claim and preserve like vegetables in the refrigerator. I am not a possession, I am not a vegetable in someone’s refrigerator – I belong to the world and any woman who inquires. Am I a bad person? Sure, but she’s the hypocrite and the liar, camouflaging herself to the exterior of love when she doesn’t know my intrinsic value. How can you claim to love someone you barely know? This is just the duality of life, the realization that we mean different things to different people. The realization that we are a coin toss and fittingly, theres a third side to a coin, the side that gives the coin its duality. She is wrong for loving me so abruptly. After all, would she love me if the word “love” didn’t exist? Highly unlikely, she would have requested a signature to my death warrant. So yes, sure I am an exceptional human being. At least she knows what I want. There’s a big bullseye sign between her legs and I want to be the nail that gets hammered in repeatedly. I wish to penetrate through the curtains of life. I am interested in the energy force that propelled humanity forward in our long ancestry line. Her personality is of little relevance to me; I am only interested in what is between her thighs. Personality depends upon the environment and culture, it is not reliable to be considered as critera. I wish she could detach from her body, it would be ideal. But since that’s an impossibility, I have to be patient with her. By professing her love to me, in my hands I have her vanity and ego; I can make her do anything that I want. She is eager to impress. While I don’t consider her a serious project, I do see her as an adequate mistress, somebody there when called upon to gratify my urges. Alternatively, we could fuck just one more time then she’ll be somebody that I used to know. But why limit yourself?

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FRIENDS.

FRIENDS.

Another classic one from the great man.

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ANTAKALIPA

Good and Bad

Good and bad

Would I be an Adolf Hitler or a Josef Stalin or Mao? Would I be the person credited for almost ending the world if I had absolute power? Am I a good person or am I evil? Am I in control of my actions or just a puppet stringed along in this parody of a play called life? Is there such a thing called freewill? Is there such a thing called freedom? Am I really conscious? Do I really have thoughts or I am just deluded and everything I know comes from culture and mythology. Do I have it in me to kill in cold blood? To take away existence, confiscate the human soul out of its confines? Do I have faith? Do I believe in God, myself? Am I terrified of death? Can I put my trust in man? Do I have a hatred of life? Would torturing a human being bring me pleasure? Do I love myself? Am I happy? Would I kill my brother and rape my sister? Would I starve millions to make a point? Would I blame others for my inadequacies? Am I the image of God or extremely flawed? Is this all of life; the trees, mountains, seas and the sky? What is the end goal of life? Is it the continual suffering of mankind as stated in religion, mythology and philosophy? Is life worth it? Isn’t ending it mercy? After all consciousness is a disease one that will plague humankind till its doom.

I am intrigued with the subject of bad and evil – the subject of morality. For years religion has been the driver of instilling morality in society. It contrasted “good” with evil very vivid with the fabrication of heaven and hell. It is a very sophisticated analogy. Heaven is a utopia, a place where suffering is not permitted. While Hell is a place of torment and demons that eat you alive. Life is energy and religion teaches us to practice things that have a high positive energy level. Things that are good for the continual species of man. Religion teaches reason, regulation of impulses and emotions, self-actualization and most importantly love and peace. These ideas or topics calibrate at a high conscious level, they build the soul and make life bearable – they take you to heaven. On the other side of the coin, it depicts a picture of evil. On the tale of Cain and Able, the bible depicts evil as a cancer cell that starts slow and gradually, undetected it multiply like compound interest ultimately consuming all of your soul. Evil is bad. Evil is not conducive. It makes life wither. It operates at a negative energy life. It is hidden and life threatening like the thief in the night. The story of Cain and Able is a very interesting. Cain and Able are the first humans in the world; they come from Adam and Eve while Adam and Eve were created by God. It is because of that, that I can relate better with Cain and Able considering that I am also human. The story tells the tale of how Cain killed his brother Able, because he was favored by God. Cain killed Able to spite God, to hurt God, he killed everything he wanted to be (his brother) to spite the world and it was a conscious action. Rejected by God on a constant, Cain was hurt and he started being conscious of how he felt. Knowing how he felt was the realization and consciousness that he could hurt the world, God and he did it because evil had consumed his soul. Was he wrong to do it? What criteria are we using? Objectively sure because killing another human being is wrong. However, subjectively how can we be sure? Everyone has a little evil in his soul? Cain’s evil just grew. Everyone has the capacity to kill. Before we can give the verdict we need to understand Cain on a subjective level because often truth is subjective. Didn’t God let down Cain?

Morality like Justice is a hard thing to factor in. Simply because we are human beings, navigating this world and our nature is not known to us. We don’t know what consciousness is and we are always in auto-pilot. Yes, we can stop for a while and contemplate for a while about the world and the events transpiring all around us. However those are not our thoughts, they come from the world, they come from the books that we have read, the movies we have seen, the music we hear, from religion, from philosophy, from academic institutions, the tales our families tell us – in a nutshell culture, we have no original thoughts – everything in the world is always getting refreshed and rebooted to meet our current stance – that’s if you have the right frequency and energy needed to merge with what’s in the world. The world is feminine energy – chaotic! Hidden to us like the reproductive organs of a female and maybe that’s why need we objective criteria to serve as order. However, we are deluding ourselves. We are all hypocrites. After all, If I had absolute power in Germany with the backing of the SS, at the back of World War one when Germany suffered greatly, In a period where War and invading other countries was the norm and with my specific make-up and how I grew up; maybe I could have been Adolf Hitler. Instigating war and killing people to prove that I am the ultimate alpha. Torturing people and experimenting with them like Guinea pigs. Propagating Propaganda because of my denial of death and attempts at immortality. Maybe I could have been Hitler invading other countries and killing its people. Spreading tyranny and fear with terrorism and death. Imposing my ideas on the world and killing Jews for my entertainment. With absolute power, what would I not do? We all have a little Hitler in ourselves. Maybe I would have been Hitler had I been born in the age that he was born into, had I experienced everything that he experienced as a boy, maybe I would have been Hitler had I been in the Socialist party. I could have been Hitler, a bad man, an evil man in the objective criteria of the world. He is a bad man, an evil man because he violated people. He stripped people off their dignity, of their manhood. He experimented on people and tortured them while they were still alive. He killed people. The thing that makes you a good person is empathy and sympathy. Hitler did not have that and I can conclude that he was a bad man, an evil man.

The topic of good and bad is a difficult one because when is good bad or bad good? Is it definite like math or infinite like numbers? The beauty of the tales in the bible is that they can be interpreted in a million views. I don’t think Cain is bad or evil. He committed a bad and evil crime but considering he is human, he can be saved and redeemed. He killed Able because he operated on the lower levels of consciousness. Fortunately when you are down, the only way to go is up! With love, an energy force calibrating higher than everything he can be saved. He can find Peace and Joy and later attain Enlightenment. Cain can be the light of the world if we don’t lose faith in him.

In the Spiderman franchise Directed by Sam Raimi we see a drastic change in Spiderman’s character and demeanor. He goes from being bright and positive swinging from building to building to being dark, edgy and angry. This is reflected on the change of costumes from Red and Blue to completely Black. What we know about Spiderman from the first two installments of the movie is that he tries to use his powers for the benefit of humankind. He saves people from physical harm. He dedicates himself to the salvation of men. He is at the peril of men. Crime is very low in the busy city of New York City. He instills order in the chaotic city of New York. He is a hero. He is also morally aligned, he always does good things not necessarily for him but for everyone else. As Peter Parker he denies himself the pleasures of the world like being with the woman he loves Mary-Jane Watson because he is Spiderman. He is often broke, failing to pay rent in his little apartment room that is fit for a peasant. And because he is always out in about saving the world, he doesn’t have the time to do his assignments resulting in the accumulation of poor grades. His professor thinks he is brilliant though and doesn’t understand why Peter Parker just won’t apply himself more. Peter Parker is heroic in all spheres of life. The juggling of his superhero life, personal life, academic life and he still has a job as a photographer for the city’s newspaper company – his efforts are honorable and superb. Despite the fact that he is often broke, he doesn’t have the urge to rob a bank or shop, I find that admirable. The best quote of the whole franchise is “I believe there’s a hero in all of us that keeps us honest, noble and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most. Even our dreams.” It is a powerful quote, one that defines the life of Peter Parker.

Everything in Peter Parker’s life changes when he learns that the man who killed his uncle on the first installment of the movie is still alive and remarkably escaped the confines of prison. Filled with outrage and anger, Peter Parker puts on his Black suit costume and hunts down “Flint Marco”. He hunts him down with the intention of killing him. He locates him and they engage in battle. Peter Parker wins the battle and the last words he utters are “Good riddance” indicating the demise of Marco Flint. It is the first time that we see Spiderman doing something that is morally wrong. What he committed was not justice. This was frontier justice – it is putting the law in your hands. What gives you the right to murder someone else? Is it because he murdered your uncle years ago? That is not a justified response. It is wrong. Oswaldo Mowbray (the Hangman of Red Rock) explores “Frontier Justice” on the brilliant Quentin Tarantino movie “The Hateful Eight” released in 2013. “If you’re found guilty, the people of Red Rock will hang you in the Town Square. And as the Hang Man, I will perform the execution. And, if all those things end up taking place, that’s what civilized society calls ‘Justice’. , However, if the relatives, and the loved ones of the person you murdered were outside that door right now, and after BUSTING down that door….they drag you out into the snow and hang you up by the neck, that would be Frontier Justice. To me it doesn’t matter what you did. When I hang you I’ll get no satisfaction from your death. It’s my job. I hang you in Red Rock, I move on to the next town. I hang someone else there.”

Luckily Marco Flint survived. Spiderman would have killed an innocent man. Marco Flint was a victim of circumstance. Yes, he killed Uncle Ben but he didn’t intent to. He was not even aggressive and hostile towards him. His only mistake was that the gun was loaded and it went off accidentally. Marco Flint was an accident murder. It was not his intent to kill Uncle Ben. He didn’t want to resort to robbing people to get money but he needed to do that. He had a motive. A morally justified motive. His daughter was dying and he needed money to save her. That was his only crime, his love for his daughter. Marco Flint committed murder but is he a bad and evil man? Cain killed Able to spite the world, God and himself. Is he a bad and evil man? Hitler, Stalin and Mao killed millions for their amusement. Are they bad and evil men? Where do we draw the line? What is our criteria? Which murder is morally correct? Which man is good? Which man is bad? Can you honestly state that you are a good person and believe it?

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Women & Beer

Women & Beer

New Year, new project from the great man.

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The great man
ANTAKALIPA

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

I had a foe disguised as a friend who spread rumors about me and I happened to be in attendance when his life crumbled and so I smiled at his misfortunes, it was a case of schadenfreude and I reveled in his suffering. He deserved it, two timing son of a bitch, why would I feel sorry for a monster? Crocodile tears don’t work on a porn star. I know I am evil but it’s a property and not a character like how De Niro paints houses and does his own carpentry. Let him suffer, that’s my official commentry. Body and bones decomposing in the cemetery. I have love but I can also practice hate, pulling heads out like masturbate. I have dark and impure thoughts. I hear voices in my head to push buttons and pull triggers. Killing in cold blood doesn’t lurk in my shadows, it’s illuminated by the sun. I am not a psychopath and indifferent to people’s suffering, but my schadenfreude episode felt good. I am emphatic but don’t piss me off for I can switch like a light, illuminating your ignorance and dimming out your sight. The smile is a facade and the silence a warning, you don’t know me. I am the offspring of Adam and Eve, directly related to Cain and Able, dangerous like a distorted label. I know I am evil, I am disturbed, I fantasize about murder and splattered brains. I pump out ice-cold blood in my vains. I am cold blooded and calculating, my brothers Cain. I might torture you and discard your pain.

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Remember, that’s life

Remember, that’s life.

In 2019 film maker Todd Phillips released his psychological thriller classic movie titled “Joker” to much acclaim. The movie gathered 11 nominations from the Academy including Best Picture and Best Director for Todd. The film’s lead Joaquin Phoenix earned the accolade for Best Actor for his efforts. His performance was a masterclass on acting. The movie centers around the subject of nihilism. Arthur Fleck is a man in his late 30’s living with his mother in the hellish city of Gotham. When he was young he suffered a head trauma injury that affected the neuro-circuitry in his brain resulting in a cognition impairment that enables him to laugh uncontrollablely without his conscious doing. This mental disorder isolates him from society and it results in him being an outcast. With this being his default, he sinks into an abyss of apathy and depression. His loathes his life and fantasizes about and death. His hatred of life ultimately leads to nihilism and with that he begins killing people for the sake of it. The killing spree commenced when he shot dead three stockbrokers after they were assaulting him in the train. The action to kill those 3 stockbrokers comes after a history of apathy when confronted with life and people beating him up because his a “freak”. The killings change his outlook on life and apathy disappears forever, he finds a new release and for the first time in his life he encounters happiness, although sadistic, it comes from the action of interacting with the world and taking charge. Nietzsche states: “When an individual no longer feels like they are the collaborator let alone the center of becoming nihilism becomes a very real possibility.” This is what happens in the movie as Arthur’s dreams and prospects of being a stand-up comedian die and with the realization that his whole life has been a lie. With the quote of the movie he states before killing his mother: I always thought my life was a tradegy but now I realize it’s a comedy. This quote signals Arthur’s nihilism – the inference that there is no meaning at all. With this his reality changes and the mood of the film also changes from dark heavy burdensome strings serving as the score of the movie to uplifting golden soundtracks and Arthur dancing along with a big authentic smile on his face. It is as if his nihilism has triggered the button to live a fulfilling life. From this movie we gather that life is not fair. It paints Arthur as a victim and he is because his been dealt a bad hand from his inception. The movie is emotive, from the visuals, the setting, the camera techniques, the film score, soundtracks and the actors. This is a very good movie and will generate a cult following based on the subjects it explored. No one can really and fully prepare you for life. Nothing can prepare you for how difficult it is. How repetitive and passive it can get and how you can betray your heart with conscious intentions. Nihilism lurks in the shadows of every human being and if you give it an audience, it can consume you whole and lead you straight to hell.

Life is difficult. You wake up one day and the world tells you that you need to get a job and shed away your individuality. After all, you were in school for more than12 years, you had enough time to prepare yourself, you should know what you want to do. That’s how the world operates and so you get a job. You work hard to get a promotion but you are overlooked because the bosses niece just graduated. Feeling dejected but optimistic about the future, you keep your head down and keep working hard. Finally after 4 laborious years, you finally get ahead and earn a promotion. It’s that job you have always wanted and it comes with an office and a secretary. It’s bliss and you can see yourself working at this company for a long time and so you prepare. You have children, get married and buy a house with trees and high fences in the suburbs. You purchase that German car that you have always wanted and life is perfect. Tradegy strikes and the whole world goes into a recession resulting in you getting laid off from your job. But at least you get a settlement cheque and decide that you are going to start a business. It’s a good idea and you are excited at the prospect of being your own boss. The business doesn’t share the same enthusiasm though and fails spectacularly. The house and the German car gets repossessed due to failure of payment and you get blacklisted by the credit bureaus. Your wife divorces you without your knowledge and fleas with the children leaving you with nothing. Aged 44 with no savings and prospects do you have it in you to move on? Do you have it in you to start over? You thought you had forever and now you have nothing. You can’t even get a decent job because you have been blacklisted. What now? The future looks bleek. The world let you down. The order of the world is a lie, everything is a lie! To add insult to injury, the world doesn’t need you anymore, you are too old, young blood is coming into the fold and your are deemed useless, a fossil that occupied the land in the times of dinosaurs. Surely death is a better alternative to life because you have got nothing to live for. That’s life, sometimes bad things happen for no apparent reason and there’s simple nothing you can do.

What is the protocol for helping someone with suicidal thoughts? Is there something that can be done from preventing the inevitable? How do you persuade someone who suffers from nihilism that they have something to live for? It is a very difficult question. One that religion can’t solve because people who suffer from nihilistic thoughts don’t believe in anything. Besides religion regulates morality and people suffering from nihilism are victims of the very same morality. Just maybe nothing can be done, nihilism is the devils den, it is the place of no return. Not even Todd gave us an antidote in his movie. However, being an optimist I have a solution. Gratitude. Gratitude is positive energy and it enables one to reflect about life. Gratitude has reason. Gratitude is patience. Gratitude is life. Gratitude helps you see past today and makes you see tomorrow. Gratitude gives you courage, it is hopeful and at the same time provides assurity. Gratitude opens your heart. Gratitude gives you a reason to live, it gives you a reason to inquire and ultimately be a better person. For the gentleman who lost his job, wife and kids; the children will grow up and reunite with him. He can get a better confidant and work his way up again. He has reason to live. He should be grateful for the trails and tribulations and aspire to be better. Gratitude is what makes life worthwhile. Gratitude is the secret to a fulfilling life. Gratitude stops nihilism and gives reason. It is because of that that one should always be grateful. Grateful for our families, our friends and the fact that we have a roof over our head. Gratitude puts things into perspective. Gratitude is the only thing that matters if you are to live a fulfilling life.

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Female Nature

Female nature

I know female nature, I put it all under microscopic view. I refrained from judgment, I just observed. I studied all the women in my life, from the root canal to the most distance branch in the family tree. I studied Jane Austin, I thoroughly watched the Romance genre. I watched Cinderella she’s a unicorn; she’s wonderful, kind, caring, loving and compassionate – the dream of femininity. True female nature is exampified by her sinister step-mother Madame Tremaine and her two daughters, Drizella and Anastasia. I consumed the works of Adele, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Sade and plenty of other love songs. I know female nature, I know how they think and go about things. I know what’s hidden in the deep recesses of their subconscious. I know all their techniques and how they make you yield. I know indirection is the gameplan. The ability to stay aloof but insight suggestions and paint pictures with fabricated personas that mean absolutely nothing. I know you just a tease like a bitch that’s all bark and no bite. I know female nature, I know the game is subtle dominance, to pull the strings like Geppetto but make Pinocchio feel like his a real boy. I know the game is possession, to cause trauma and split the core leaving the body in camotose. I know female nature, it wants your weakness so it can use it against you. The master of passive aggressive behavior, the founder of the silent treatment. Oh yes, I know female nature, I know you operate on the dark side of the spectrum, I know you’re evil, I know chaos is an alliance and you love destruction like entropy. I know, I know self-preservation is all that matters. I know female nature, it’s emotional, manipulative, deceitful, unstable and unreasonable. I know, I know often times the spark plugs don’t work and you go crazy. Sometimes it’s that time of the month but we know that’s just an excuse, you just a crazy bitch! I know female nature, I know how your love can be a facade, how you can love me today and cease to love me tomorrow like an abortion, a sin. I know, I know female nature, I know how you easily get bored and restless. I know you just wanna have fun. I know how I can never predict your cycles like a volatile market, I know I will never completely understand and that’s okay, no one really does.

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Kaffers, Negros and Jews

Kaffers, Negros & Jews.

There’s something funny about blatant racism, it’s not disguised like a mask or make-up for a George Lucas film, it’s in your face like a pimple, it’s direct like counterattack, the message is simple, you are beneath me like limbo. Humor centers around human nature, humor is human nature, it humanizes, it is tragic and like life a comedy. Humor is used to communicate superiority, it is a mechanism for suppression. Humor is used for relief. Humor is about inferiority. Mein Kampf is your definitive example of humor. Hitler is a bad motherfucker who blames the injustices of life on the Jews, he makes them the butt of the joke. He is small, petty and hateful. He calls the Jews bloodsuckers among other things. He is Hell’s orator, handpicked by the Devil himself. He propogates an image of fifth and unworthiness. Thank God his not a Jew, his perfect and was chosen by God and natural selection, the hypocrisy of it all! Like hey, “my God has a bigger dick than yours so I am going to kill your whole people”. Human nature is such a humorous subject. Apartheid is the funniest topic of them all – honorable mention the KKK, they have a flag, a uniform and burn crucifixes. Led by Dr. Daniel Malan, it is oppression at its finest. Imagine a political campaign centered around the term “Swart gevaar” which translates to “Black is dangerous”! The National Party fought the election on the twin slogans of “Die kaffer op sy plek” (the nigger in his place) and “Die koelies uit die land” (Indians back to India). Straight out of a scene from Mississippi Burning. 12 Years a Slave and Barry Jenkins’ Underground Railroad deserve a mention. I am convinced apartheid was a beef based on dick sizes, you know the stereotype about Africans and their cannons and whites with their palette guns. Where do you think the term “Mandingo” comes from? No it doesn’t originate from Tarantino’s “Django Unchained”. It comes from white racist slave owners to refer to the blacks huge dicks. All racism is a psychological phenomenon about dick sizes. I have additional proof, read Freudian Psychology, it’s a sensitive issue, whites are insecure about size. It’s only natural that the Kaffers and Koelies become butt of the joke, the punchline. You detect a bit of Nazi? You’re right! The National Party refused to support Great Britain and publicly sympathized with Nazi Germany. Dr. Daniel Malan serving as South Africa’s Adolf Hitler! As the Nationalists put it, “Die wit man moet altyd baas wees” (The white man must always remain boss). This is definitely about dick sizes, like “we hate everyone operating 9 inche equipment”! It’s so unfortunate that every man of color is classified in the 9 inche category, death by stereotype. To Hitler & Dr. Malan, I empathize with you big dicks must be intimidating! The insecurity makes me tear up, like a girl with small tits who supplements them to make them look bigger. The blatant oppression is a punchline on its own like “Big lips one side and whites to the otherside”, that’s the only criterion, that dictates your future.

I once had a teacher in high school who had a student stand-up in class and asked “You know what’s the difference between you and me?”. He held a pencil vertical to the students nose and the pencil touched his lips. Horrified a couple of us let out a nervous and uncomfortable laugh. It was a joke that bombed. The class wasn’t impressed considering it was a dig at all of us, we were Kaffers and he was Afrikaner. It wasn’t like Ms. Morello on “Everybody hates Chris”, she’s naively racist, but actually funny and she genuinely loves Chris (not really). I have to admit I like the character of Ms. Morello even though she’s a racist, she knows a lot about black culture, is enthusiastic and cheerful and let’s not forget dates black guys. Still her stereotypes are brutal, I am often torn apart between laughing and being flabbergasted. She’s the only racist with a green card in my book and like Chris, I can let her comments slide. Quite clearly she’s ignorant but she usually means well, I detect empathy in her tone of voice, she attempts to be understanding, she is not a malicious person, maybe passive aggressive and condescending but it’s a sitcom, I appreciate the work of the writers. Uncle Ruckus is the best racist character ever, that right there is pure comedy gold! Joe Rogen doesn’t get a green card, he called black people Apes, that wasn’t entertaining Joe, I mean you walked into a cinema in a black neighborhood and it was like “Planet of the Apes” – DAMN! Oh yea Joe, you not exempt from using the “n – word” NIGGA! Remember when Booker-T called Hulk Hogan a nigga? The regret on his face after he said it was priceless, cause the dreaded word just slipped out, that promo is the funniest of all time! But I digress. With my high school teacher, it was sadistic, it was an abuse of power and he was actually the minority, the pencil demonstration was a blatant middle finger. “What a racist fucker” was the internal monologue, so small minded, sad and primitive. No self-awareness, he thought he was making a joke but it boomeranged and laughed at him. His honestly lucky there wasn’t a riot against him. The failed attempt at humor seemed to highlight everything that was wrong about him. He hanged himself with his own rope, it was sad, he was pathetic. There’s something funny about blatant racism.

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